It's official. We're old!

A few days ago, I got together with some wonderful ladies...classmates from high school. One of the group had decided that we needed to get together (it had been a long time) and invited us to her home for a barbecue.

As usual, we had a grand time. We laughed, teased, ate, and laughed some more. We caught up on each other's lives, found out what children and grandchildren were doing, etc. At one point, the conversation moved to corns on feet, their removal, and how they sometimes come back. It was then that one of my friends pointed out that we sounded like a group of old ladies, to which we responded with cackling laughter.

We're all in our early 50s, except one who continues to be 29. In our minds' eyes, we're still in our 20s. Unfortunately, our bodies are not willing to go along with the charade. We have corns. We have aches. We don't heal as quickly as we used to and we can't do everything that we used to do.

But rather than dwell on the have-nots, each of us in our own way focuses on the haves in our lives. We have a wealth of experience, albeit not always pleasant, on which to draw when faced with decisions and dilemmas. We have shelter, clothing, and food. We have loving families. We have work and activities to occupy our time. We also have a loving group of friends who can brighten a day the moment they walk into the room.

Ladies, you know who you are. I thank you for being such a delightful part of my life, regardless of how old we are. I am truly blessed. For the rest of you, I hope you, too, have such a group in your lives to make the journey much more enjoyable.

Lucky 2013

It hardly seems like it was 13 years ago that people were freaking out about the world moving into the year 2000, but here we are in 2013. We survived 2000, just as we did the doom of the alleged Mayan calendar-predicted end of the world last month. And as of last check, I have yet to see zombies in my yard. I’m sure the doomsday preppers gave a healthy boost to the economy, though.

Now here we are in 2013. We have a whole new year, a whole new adventure. What will it bring? Who knows? What I do know is there are decisions we can make now that can help shape how the year goes. Of course, there will always be those unknowns that will affect our lives, but if we never made any decisions, never tried, our lives would be pathetic. I, for one, am deciding to not be pathetic.

I’ve never been one for making and adhering to New Year’s resolutions. Such have always seemed to be so black and white, so specific, and a fast-track to failure. For instance, a person resolves to lose 50 pounds by summer, but only loses 30. Despite the fact that the person is probably healthier, he/she has still failed at achieving the resolution.

So with that in mind, I have decided to develop resolutions that recognize achievement without being so absolute. Dealing with absolutes is like going through life with blinders on. There’s a whole big world of possibilities and if one goes through life without at least recognizing that there are other possibilities/options beyond one’s scope of knowledge, one stifles creativity and misses a great deal of life’s beauty and delight.

Here are my resolutions for 2013:

1. I will do my best to get in better shape. I sit in front of a computer much too much. I need to move more and make some better food choices.

2. I will read more and play online games less. Playing online games is a great way for me to relax. But I can relax and expand my mind by reading more.

3. I will do a better job of letting those who are important to me know just how important they are.

4. I will do my best to rid my life of unnecessary drama. There are those persons in my life who insist on creating drama, despite knowing that I detest unnecessary drama. Much of it is to get attention, as said persons constantly have to have attention, but some also is to create a situation in which those persons can then swoop in and save the day. Either way, I’ve had enough and am going to do my best to get that crap out of my life.

5. I will do my best to cut loose unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships. Enough said.

6. I will do my best to develop healthy, meaningful relationships.

7. I will do my best to remain open to the possibility of options becoming available in the future and not restricting myself to only the changes mentioned above.

I hope each of you who reads this has a wonderful 2013! I plan to do so. Happy New Year!

Not all of the 70,000 were cheering for the injury

After reading this story and watching the video (http://www.kctv5.com/story/19761458/is-this-the-cheering-chiefs-winston-blamed-fans-for), I think Chiefs' Eric Winston  #ericwinston needs to apologize to all of the Chiefs fans who were NOT cheering for Matt Cassel getting hurt during the Chiefs' game against the Ravens on Sunday (October 7, 2012).

I agree with Winston that regardless of what one thinks about a player, one should not cheer when that person gets injured. In a postgame interview, however, Winston called out the 70,000 people who were in the stadium, and sparked a national media frenzy that, for the most part, is erroneously critical of Chiefs fans. I have friends who were at the game -- and a part of the 70,000 -- and I know they did not cheer when Cassel went down.

Winston later tweeted that "Obviously i know not all 70k were cheering. And please don't act like the cheering started when Quinn came in." That's as close to an apology as Chiefs fans who did not cheer Cassel's injury are likely to get from Winston, as he later tweeted that "I've said what I wanted to say and i won't be talking about it any further."

I'm sure there were some fans who exhibited less-than-human behavior and cheered when Cassel went down. That sort of behavior is despicable. And, I agree with Winston that the cheering didn't start when Brady Quinn entered the game. It is obvious from the raw game footage posted by Kansas City's KCTV5, however, that much of the cheering was for Cassel being able to get up and walk off the field. (He wasn't carted off as the boys on ESPN's Monday Night pregame show claimed, making it seem even more heinous and sensational. #espnnfl) Dewayne Bowe can even be seen encouraging the fans to cheer.

So, what can we take away from this? Several things:

1. Another human being was injured on the field of Arrowhead stadium. My thoughts and prayers are with Matt Cassel and his family.

2. One of Cassel's linemen cared enough to publicly call out those in the stadium who were cheering Cassel's injury. Unfortunately, he also called out thousands innocent fans who did nothing more than cheer for an injured player who was able to get up and walk off the field. In the process, Winston further irritated a Chiefs fan base that already is extremely disgruntled with the direction the team has taken in the last few years. Chiefs fans have put up with a lot of disappointment in the years since the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, yet each year, they come back full of hope, only to be disappointed once again. The dissatisfaction has built to such an extreme this year that KC Star sports folks are writing columns critical of Chiefs' management (rarely heard of in KC), Chiefs fans are becoming increasingly more vocal, and prior to Sunday's game, someone flew a plane with a banner over Arrowhead. The banner noted that Chiefs fans deserved better and called for GM Scott Pioli to be fired and Cassel to be benched. Now I doubt that Winston's emotional outburst after the game will cause Chiefs fans to boycott future games, but the Chiefs' relationship with their fans is reaching a tipping point, and if fans don't continue to support the Chiefs, from where will the revenue come to pay players' salaries?

3. Once again, national media jumped on a sensational story without bothering to check out or present all the facts.

Fine in my 50s

A couple of years ago, I wrote that I was enjoying my 40s much more than any other age, primarily because of experience and wisdom. Now that I am tackling my fifty-second year, I’d say the notions of experience and wisdom continue to play an important role in my enjoying my age/life.

I have, however, added a new tool to my age/life enjoyment collection: the realization that I don’t need to get all worked up about people or situations I cannot change. When I was younger and someone lied about me or portrayed me in an untrue, negative light, I would get angry and want to get even. In my mind, those who had wronged me had to pay for what they had done to me. (Sort of an Old Testament take on interactions with others.)  That kind of behavior was not healthy and continued to feed off itself, festering much like a boil in need of a good lancing.

I’m not quite sure when that realization sunk in. It wasn’t because of reading a self-help book. I abhor such wastes of trees and find annoying and pathetic people who continually pepper their conversations with self-help gobbledygook in an effort to appear more intelligent than they really are. (Just be yourself! … but that is a topic for another post.) It wasn’t as dramatic as God speaking to me from a burning bush.  I can’t pinpoint any particular “ah-ha moment.” The notion that I didn’t need to get all worked up just gradually became a part of my being.

I haven’t yet achieved the Mother Teresa level of loving and forgiving those who have behaved badly toward me. It still bothers me when someone lies about me or falsely accuses me, but once I have stated my side of it (if I am given the chance to do so), I am done with it. I find peace in the fact that all parties involved know the truth and God knows the truth and will take care of the wrong-doers in His own good time.

Some will say “what about those who believe the lies of others?” I have no control over them, either. I don’t hate them, but you can bet I will be cautious of them in the future. My only consolation is that someday, God will show them the truth.

As I was writing this, I realized that I was wearing my tie-dyed peace sign shirt. I bought it because it was colorful and I liked the way it looked. Ironic that I am wearing it while writing this post. Perhaps the shirt is an indication of how I should end this post. So for now, I will leave you with peace.

Not All the Bad Guys Can Be Behind Bars If There’s No Room

Today, I went to jail. This wasn’t the first time. I had heard the heavy steel doors clank behind me before. The difference was that this time, I was not a tourist at Alcatraz, but a concerned Saline County citizen.

A couple of days ago, a survey about a possible jail expansion dropped in the mail to 4,000 households in Saline County. If you are one of the lucky 4,000 registered voters who received the survey, please fill it out and return it in the postage paid envelope. Your opinions on this matter are important. The random survey is a collaboration of the Saline County Sheriff’s Office and a group of faculty and students at Kansas Wesleyan. The completed surveys will be returned to KWU, where an eager group of students in the Behavioral Science and Human Services Department, under the mentorship of the department faculty, will compile the information and organize it into a report for the Saline County Sheriff’s Office, the law enforcement agency responsible for the jail.

What does all that have to do with me going to jail? I was the person who organized the printing and the mailing of the surveys. This morning, while returning the extra letterhead and envelopes to the Sheriff’s Office, I had the honor of meeting with Sheriff Glen Kochanowski and Corrections Captain Roger Soldan, who generously shared a bit of their time to give me a tour of the Saline County Jail.

Sheriff Kochanowski told me it has been his practice in the fifteen years he has been sheriff, to offer to Saline County citizens the ability to tour the jail. (This was an offer he reiterated when he announced the jail survey at a news conference this past Wednesday.) Sadly, he noted that I was part of but a handful of citizens during the 15 years he has been Sheriff who had taken him up on the offer.

Although we did not mix with the inmates, we did see all parts of the jail. It is overcrowded. With the most recent expansion (1995), the 192-bed jail was supposed to meet the county’s needs until 2025. Sheriff Kochanowski said that by the end of this weekend, the inmate population will be over 230. To further illustrate the situation, the County Attorney’s Office just this week was given permission from the County Commissioners (YEA Commissioners!) to hire another attorney to help with the ever-growing caseload, including 11 cases pending against murder suspects.

Back to the jail…Both the men’s and the women’s units made up for the lack of beds by the use of portable beds, called boats. (They do resemble a sort of flat-bottomed canoe.) Inmates sleep on the floor in these “boats.”

While some will argue that we don’t need to spend more money on additional beds/space for the jail because, after all, these people are inmates, those who make such statements are missing the bigger picture. It isn’t just about providing a bed and not a boat for everyone housed in the jail, it is about creating a safer environment for the inmates and for the law enforcement officials working in the jail. Overcrowding issues can create dangerous situations for those inside the jail, whether inmates or law enforcement personnel. Each day, those law enforcement folk put themselves on the line for our safety. The least we can do is support a jail expansion that will alleviate the overcrowding and possibly some dangerous situations. We also can encourage the County Commission to figure out a way to hire more law enforcement personnel.

So, if you are a Saline County resident, please call the Sheriff’s Office at 785-826-6500 and ask to schedule a tour of the jail. See for yourself.

The Flush of Automation

The restrooms on our floor finally reopened after nearly a month of remodeling. They are beautiful. (And no, I did not go into the men’s room. The door was open during the remodeling process, so I got a peek at it as I walked by.)

They also are automated. The toilets flush on their own once they detect the user standing up. Stick your hand under the soap dispenser and out squirts some cleansing suds. Likewise, the water faucet turns on as you move your hands under it.

It occurred to me when I was in the newly remodeled restroom for the first time that while all of those conveniences are very cool in their attempt to lessen the spreading of germs, they also are indicative of a much larger potential problem in our society: not doing for ourselves. I wondered how many people who use our restrooms on a regular basis (the Student Activities Center also has self-flushers and automated faucets) forget to flush when using toilets in other places or get frustrated when the water won’t come on as they frantically wave their hands under the faucet at grandma’s house.

How many of us have absent-mindedly tried to use our vehicles’ electronic keys to open other doors? I know I felt pretty foolish when I clicked on the electronic key for my old Prius (my work keys were attached) in an attempt to unlock my office door. Now I don’t have to worry. With my current Prius, I don’t even have to get my key out. As long as it is within a couple of feet of the car, all I have to do is pull on the door handle and the driver’s side door will unlock and open. But there again, further automation and less thinking and effort on my part.

We launched our new website at work this past week, and while we are still tweaking it, the essentials are there, including a link to check campus email and a link to get to the passworded portion of the site. Yet a number of people could not find those links, despite the links’ prominence on the front page. They were used to seeing the links in a certain place on the old site, and when they weren’t there, rather than look around, people complained that they couldn’t find them.

Are we moving toward being a society so used to having simple tasks done for us that we are unable to think creatively of a solution, should those automations change or go awry? I certainly hope not, for if that is true, the prospects for our future are sad indeed.

Her name was Mary

A week or so ago, I posted a note on my Facebook about a heartwarming moment my Dad witnessed at the grocery store.

Dad was in line to check out. A couple of ladies were ahead of him. The lady checking out was average and non-descript. The lady in between Dad and the one being checked out was a little old lady of obvious limited means. She was neat and clean and looked to be doing the best with what she had, which didn't seem to be much. She had a few things, but not much, to purchase. When the first lady was done checking out, she walked around the check stand and spoke quietly to the clerk, then handed her a $20 bill. What she had done, Dad said, was instruct the clerk to pay for the second lady's items and then give the second lady the change from the $20. With that, the first lady was on her way.

I noted when I posted the above story that “Angels are all around us. We, too, can be an angel to someone else, if only we stop to pay a bit of attention to those around us!”

Ironically, I had that day been thinking of an encounter of my own, in the grocery section of another store. It was a year or two ago and I was hurrying to get my shopping done and get home. As I rounded the end of the aisle and headed for the eggs, I noticed that most shoppers were very dramatically avoiding the egg section. I thought, perhaps, that someone had accidently dropped some eggs, but when I looked, all I saw was a person looking at the vast array of egg cartons.

As I got closer, I figured out – though I didn’t understand – why people were avoiding the egg aisle. There in front of me was a woman about my height who was horribly disfigured because of some genetic misfire. Her facial features were somewhat askew. Her hands seemed to be claw-like. She was trying to check a carton of eggs for breakage and obviously was having trouble holding the carton and opening it at the same time.

With a tinge of what seemed to be preparedness for rejection, her eyes met mine and she asked if I could help her check the eggs. I gently took the carton from her and opened it so she could see the eggs. Once the eggs had passed her inspection, I closed the carton and set it in her cart.

As I turned back around from the cart, she reached for my hand and said “Thank you for helping me. My name is Mary.” I replied that I was glad to help and that my name was Leslie. Mary held on to my hand and said “Thank you, Leslie, for helping me. I don’t handle these cartons so good.” We chatted a moment and then said our goodbyes.

While we were together, a number of people walked by, some very obviously were aghast that someone such as Mary would dare to be within their eyesight. I wanted to slap them. In that moment, I didn’t feel sorry for Mary, but I did feel badly for how a large chunk of society had treated her. Her physical handicaps were difficult enough to deal with. She didn’t need to deal with all of the emotion crap humans heap on each other as well.

What little help I was able to offer Mary was miniscule compared to the impact our brief encounter had on me. We humans, no matter our differences, can come together if we just give it a chance.

I have hoped to see Mary again at the store, but never have. Occasionally, I will think about her and the wonderful, yet brief way she touched my life. Angels are all around us. Mary was one of mine.