I am thankful

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I have been reflecting on why I am thankful.

Now given the events of the past couple of years, I'm sure some of you are wondering what sorts of drugs the doctors have me on. Afterall, both my parents, my uncle, and my best buddy (dog) all died within the past two years. Additionally, I am still recovering from two major surgeries in October: removal of a large blood clot from my lungs and removal of my gallbladder.

Despite all of that, I remain thankful.

I am thankful that I still tear up when thinking of my departed family members. There was/is a great deal of love between us and I am holding on to it as tenaciously as I can. So what if I cry, even ugly cry, at the oddest or even most inopportune moments. It means that I care and that while my family members are gone, the love remains. 

Don't want to see me ugly cry? Then don't look because it is going to happen.

I am thankful for my good friends and family members who have continued to check on me through it all and help when needed. Despite sometimes feeling lost and lonely because my core family has departed, I have found a new sort of family, one partly of blood relatives and partly of those I have chosen to be in my family. I love you one and all!

I am thankful for the Apple Watch I purchased a few months ago so I would have a way to call should I have an emergency. (I think a life-threatening giant blood clot counts, don't you?) I used the watch to call for an ambulance when I had passed out on the hallway floor and was so weak and winded that I couldn't even crawl to the table by my chair where my cell phone was. An hour or so later, the ER doctor told me that if I hadn't come in when I did, I would have died.

I am thankful for the EMTs who broke into my house to get me and whisk me off to the hospital, where a few hours later, medical personnel were removing the blood clot. Thank you, fellas, for only busting out the locks and not totally destroying my front door! And thank you for securing the door until I could return home and replace the locks.

I also am thankful for the EMTs who came to my house a week later to take me back to the hospital, this time to have my gallbladder removed. There was no breaking in this time. Despite it being about 4:30 in the morning, I shut and locked the door and waited for them on Mom's glider out front.

I am thankful that while I was sitting on the glider, I got to see the neighborhood fox scurrying across the yard. I said hello to him, which caused him to pause. He seemed somewhat befuddled that a human was sitting outside at 4:30 in the morning and talking to him. He then went on his way, probably hunting food before returning to the safety of his den.

I am thankful for the medical personnel at Salina Regional Health Center who saved my life and helped me begin to recover from two surgeries in as many weeks.

I am thankful, despite its exorbitant price, for Eliquis, the blood thinner I now take to help dissolve the tiny bits of blood clot that were not able to be removed and to help keep new blood clots from forming. I don't ever want to feel again like I did that morning that the EMTs had to break into my house.

I am thankful for the people God has put into my life to help me navigate through selling my childhood home and getting Mom's estate settled. What a daunting task, especially with everything else going on.

I am thankful that I am able to find foods that I like that will not cause me digestive problems in my new gallbladderless world. Nearly all the foods I used to love are now out as I attempt to embrace a new, lower-fat diet. At first, I was devastated that I would no longer get to eat pepperoni pizza, tacos, cheeseburgers, all the stuff I shouldn't have been eating anyway. But you know what? I haven't had pizza in more than a month and I don't miss it a bit! And on the plus side, the new, lower-fat diet will help me to lose weight and will overall be more healthy for me.

I am thankful, of course, for a roof over my head and warm clothes to wear, and a car to get me around town.

I am thankful for those of you who bother to read my blog posts. While I write for me and to keep writing, I do appreciate hearing from those of you who read my digital chicken scratches!

Most importantly, I am thankful that with all the crap that is going on in the world, the good Lord is taking time to look after me.

What are you thankful for this holiday season?

Is there really a new normal?

Since early 2023, I have been working to establish a new normal for my life. I've come to the conclusion, however, that establishing a new normal isn't a real concept. 

When I first moved back to my hometown in 2003, my folks insisted that I move in with them. Then, as time passed, it became apparent that I needed to continue living with my aging parents to help out. That was our "normal" for nearly 20 years until my Dad died in early 2023.

At that point, I officially became the primary caregiver for my Mom, who had Parkinson's and the dementia that goes with it. Mom and I navigated a new life without Dad. All went fairly well until the fall of 2023, when our Shih Tzu developed irreversible kidney issues and had to be put down. 

Losing Jorgie like that was a gut punch that still prompts tears at times. Jorgie's kisses and snuggles had helped me work through my grief for losing Dad. Mom, through no fault of her own, was little help as her dementia had taken away her ability to empathize.

Nonetheless, we continued on until Mom died in August of this year. For the first time in my life, all of my immediate family members were gone and I was alone. 

I began to rely on my first cousins and my chosen family of close friends and neighbors as I once again tried to establish a new normal. 

A month after Mom died, my Uncle died. While I knew my cousins would still be there for me, I also knew that they now had even more on their plates.

Then, in October, my body rebelled and I was hospitalized twice in two consecutive weeks for two different health issues. In the first, I arrived at the hospital via ambulance mid morning and by 4 p.m. a surgeon was removing a giant blood clot from my lungs.

Shameless promotion: after passing out three times, I found myself on the hallway floor and unable to get up. I used my Apple watch to call the ambulance that first time. I had gotten the Apple watch after I shut the landline off in case I had an emergency and was not near my cell phone. It did its job well. If you have a smart watch synced to your cell phone, learn how to use it to call for help. It may save your life!

Nearly a week after I first went to the hospital, I rode an ambulance back to the hospital after a sharp pain in my lower chest/upper abdomen would not go away. 

I had been told the previous week that there were still some small pieces of the blood clot in my veins that were going to be treated with medication. I was concerned that the pain I was feeling was related to the blood clot pieces still in my system. The doctor had told me that if I had any issues, I needed to get back to the hospital quickly, so I called an ambulance a second time. 

As it turned out, the pain was caused by a bad gallbladder that needed to be removed. That surgery came a day after I arrived at the hospital the second time. 

Since then, I have been recovering from the two surgeries while working on issues related to Mom's estate. 

I've also been thinking about the concept of establishing a new normal. 

I've decided that establishing a new normal isn't real. It seems clear, as I have outlined the past couple of years above, that instead of establishing and living a new normal, we just continue to evolve, reacting and adapting to whatever life throws at us. 

And what if we don't? I suppose that either we die or go insane. 

As for me, it is a comfort to view the rest of my life in through this lens.

I choose to keep evolving. How about you?

And it was back to the hospital for me

Two trips in two consecutive weeks is enough!

Apparently my body had too much fun at the hospital last week and decided it wanted to visit again.

On Tuesday, I observed the Taco Tuesday ritual Mom and I had partaken in weekly for the last year of her life. A bit after eating, I started feeling unwell. I decided it was bad tacos. But when the pain in my stomach continued more than twelve hours after I ate, I became concerned that the pain was connected to the giant blood clot that was removed from my lungs last week. 

I called for an ambulance and took another ride to Salina Regional Health Center with Salina Fire's finest about 4:30 a.m. Wednesday.

I spent a good part of Wednesday in an ER room, partially waiting for a room to open up in the hospital. While there, I had blood tests and more CT scans. It was determined that there was a large stone blocking the duct in my gallbladder and that the gallbladder needed to go. 

So early on Thursday morning, I was in pre-surgery waiting for a very kind and upbeat Dr. Gray to remove the offending and somewhat useless organ from my body.

The procedure went well and I was sent back to my room on 5 Surgical West. 

Once again, the good folks at Salina Regional did a great job taking care of me. I especially appreciated the efforts of Lynnette and Miranda who went above and beyond to calm my fears and helped me through what turned into an emotional time for me.

Have you ever had to have someone wipe your butt because you were not able to? It was embarrassing and the last straw in what has been a tough couple of years for me. I lost it. Lynnette and Miranda got me through it with kind, upbeat attitudes.

I also appreciated the folks who showed up more often than I would have liked to draw blood. I have an aversion to being poked with needles that goes back to my youth. All of the Salina Regional folks who poked my arms were kind and understanding when I told my story about the blood draw long ago. They did their best to put me at ease and apologized each time I winced when they poked. 

Then there were the friends who picked up my mail and gave me a ride home, and the family and friends who knew I was in the hospital again and offered prayers and support from afar. 

Thank you all!

Aside from healing from the surgery, my immediate goal is to not need to go to the hospital for a third consecutive week. Please pray that I achieve that goal.