I am not a rock

I shared a meme on Facebook this evening (I know...hard to believe) that seemed appropriate for my current situation.

You're allowed to be happy, hurting and healing all at once. You're a human not a rock.

I shared it because it applied to several of my friends, but it also applies to this 60-something orphan trying to navigate a new normal.

We celebrated my Mom's life well lived on Saturday and buried her next to Dad at the Brookville Cemetery, where many of my Eikleberry family are buried. And during that end of one chapter, beginning of another in my life I was surrounded by loving and supporting family and friends who I have chosen as family, including longtime family friends, my two besties, and two of my former ESU student employees who are friends. I had no clue that Meg and Jamie were coming to Mom's funeral, but I was sure glad to see them. They did my soul good! It also was good to have my longtime friend, Jim, preside over the service. We have known each other for about 50 years.

Each and every one of those people were a comfort to me, and I am so grateful that they were there for me. Many others were with me in spirit from locations throughout the world. Thank you one and all!

I'm sure some of the old gossips who were in attendance were wagging their tongues because not everyone sitting in the reserved family section were my blood relatives. They were my chosen family. (I only wish all of my chosen family who were there had been able to sit in the family section.) 

It occurred to me on the way to the cemetery that some may have thought that my one bestie, who had been sitting next to me, was my lesbian lover. Nothing could be further from the truth. While I do have LGBTQ friends, neither my bestie nor I swings that way.

For those who have felt the need to gossip about me never marrying, the fact is that I have not done so because I am too damned picky when it comes to men. I've had too many friends who have been hurt by bad guys, and I just don't want to go through that. (I know that all men are not bad.) And no, I do not own cats.

So now we are several days removed from the funeral, and I am trying to establish a new normal.

I've seen several posts on Facebook over the past few days that made me smile, if not laugh out loud. Initially, I was concerned that I should not respond with a laughing emoji as I was in mourning. Then it hit me: just a few days ago, we celebrated my Mom, who loved to laugh and find the funny in life. Additionally, being concerned about the appearance of my laughing really goes against who I am. I am too old to care what other people think of me. If you like me, great! If not, your problem.

I know that I will never get over the loss of my Mom. As I mentioned in an earlier blog post, she was the one person who loved me the most throughout my life. What I will do is work through my loss, establish a new normal, and move forward. And I will do so with humor.

Thank you for your inspiration, Mom!